Get Over It

by on October 19, 2011

Each day, I grow more and more tired of breast cancer. Mentally, I am just over it and now that I see the end of chemo in sight I just want to be done with it already. I read so many things online about how hard it is to find the “new normal” after you’re done with treatment but since I don’t really want a “new normal” I’m going to strive for my old one – with a bonus. The bonus being that I will come out on the other side a better person and so much more appreciative of all the wonderful things in my life.

But aside from that, I am going to be the same.

I am not going to worry about recurrence, or lymphedema, or all the other things that can go horribly wrong after you get hit with a breast cancer diagnosis. I just can’t worry about it. I am going to try so hard to be the same person I was, only better. Am I still going to blast hip hop when I’m driving in my Prius? Yup. Am I still going to laugh at Curb Your Enthusiasm? Yup. Am I still going to flip through my magazines and mark all the clothes/shoes/makeup/accessories that I like? Yup.

I was thinking about all this while I was bumpin’ Drake’s Get Over It the other day. I am still that same person I was before cancer, rapping along and smiling at the line “I don’t get bitter, I just get better.” I look like complete shit right now, but I am still me. Even though a lot of things have changed, there are so many more that are still the same. And I love that. I need that. I don’t think that everything has to dramatically change just because I got breast cancer. It’s the little things about me that make me happy and I don’t want to lose those.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Jenika October 24, 2011 at 1:47 am

Kasi, thank you so much for starting this blog. As your friend, to see you go through all this breaks my heart. Sometimes I am scared to ask how things are going or to know the details; because the reality of what you’re going through absolutely scares me. It scares me for you and for all the other women that have gone through this or may go through this. But this blog and the way you’ve taken this “head on” gives me such a new perspective on the different troubles that people go through in life. You’re courage to stand up to this and your strength and optimism are so inspiring. Like I told you; seeing you go through this and the way you have reacted to each any every step has touched my core and I am a changed person because of it.

Also, I must tell you – you don’t “look like shit.” After seeing you for the first time since before your surgery, I can tell you in all honesty – you look absolutely beautiful. Maybe what you see in the mirror isn’t exactly the way it used to look or the way you want it to look. But I hope that when you see that gorgeous reflection and you see your strength, courage, and determination and know that those things are the things that make you so incredibly beautiful. Like you said, “like before, only better” – that’s what I see when I see you.

xoxo

Reply

Kasi October 24, 2011 at 10:23 am

Jenika, thank you so much for your comment! I felt like it was important to start this because when I was first diagnosed, I was all over the internet reading people’s blogs and it helped so much. So maybe if I can help someone else, or make women aware that stuff like this can happen even when you’re young, then that makes me feel good. It’s all really scary but what I have learned is that you just have to get through it and look forward to all the things on the other side of it.

You’re such a wonderful friend – thank you for reading! xxxooo

Reply

Miya Goodrich-Phillips October 28, 2011 at 5:35 am

Blasting hip hop while driving your Prius, haha! Love it! I’m right there with you, but in a Civic. ;) XOXO

Reply

Kasi October 29, 2011 at 2:49 am

Ha! Miya, that is awesome! We’re so on the same wavelength! :-)

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: