Each day, I grow more and more tired of breast cancer. Mentally, I am just over it and now that I see the end of chemo in sight I just want to be done with it already. I read so many things online about how hard it is to find the “new normal” after you’re done with treatment but since I don’t really want a “new normal” I’m going to strive for my old one – with a bonus. The bonus being that I will come out on the other side a better person and so much more appreciative of all the wonderful things in my life.
But aside from that, I am going to be the same.
I am not going to worry about recurrence, or lymphedema, or all the other things that can go horribly wrong after you get hit with a breast cancer diagnosis. I just can’t worry about it. I am going to try so hard to be the same person I was, only better. Am I still going to blast hip hop when I’m driving in my Prius? Yup. Am I still going to laugh at Curb Your Enthusiasm? Yup. Am I still going to flip through my magazines and mark all the clothes/shoes/makeup/accessories that I like? Yup.
I was thinking about all this while I was bumpin’ Drake’s Get Over It the other day. I am still that same person I was before cancer, rapping along and smiling at the line “I don’t get bitter, I just get better.” I look like complete shit right now, but I am still me. Even though a lot of things have changed, there are so many more that are still the same. And I love that. I need that. I don’t think that everything has to dramatically change just because I got breast cancer. It’s the little things about me that make me happy and I don’t want to lose those.